What Hurts the Most
by SetTheTruthFree
Summary: It was two months after the ‘Snape Incident’, and Sirius couldn’t believe Remus hadn’t forgiven him yet." Sirius sings Remus a song to apologize RL/SB R&R Please, Don't like Don't Read One-shot


Every relationship has its ups and downs…

**Disclaimer:** I can only Wish, hope, and dream Hp is mine, but sadly I know my wishes won't come true, my hopes will be squashed, and my dreams will shatter.

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Every relationship has its ups and downs….sometimes the bumps in the road are so big, that the relationship can't survive. Well Sirius Black sure as hell wasn't going to let that happen to his and Remus' own little should be fairy tale.

Only…it did.

They had somehow, always been best friends. There had been a bit more to it, though, both of them didn't want to lose what they had, so they just didn't act on it. But Sirius' need to be overprotective of Remus got him into some trouble.

Our story starts here…

It was two months after the 'Snape Incident', and Sirius couldn't believe Remus hadn't forgiven him yet. 'It was an accident' he told himself over and over…'but was it _really_ an accident? You did send Snape to the whomping willow…' his mind would often counter. Sirius had tried all kinds of plans and ideas to get _his_ Moony to forgive him...to be with him again.

Sirius' 'brilliant' plans to win Remus back were anything from showering him with chocolate (that Remus either threw away or gave to the various girls that he saw around the castle) to following him around saying 'I'm Sorry, I'm so so sorry, Remus, I really am sorry' over and over (that only proved to aggravate him more). He was sure this plan would work…if it didn't, he didn't know what else there was to do.

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As far as everyone could tell dinner in the great hall was normal. No Pranks, no fighting, just dinner…that was until Sirius Black decided to make a grand entrance halfway through the so far peaceful meal.

He took out his wand, flicked it once, and made his way to the Gryffindor table. As soon as he got there the candles dimmed and a soft flow of gentle music made its way into the Great Hall. With a magically amplified voice Sirius said "Remus, I'm sorry, this is for you."

He started singing:  
"I can take the rain on the roof of the empty dorm  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay  
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowin'  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was tryin' to do"

Here Sirius looked pleadingly into Remus' eyes. He was having trouble holding back his tears, so he looked away and started singing again.

"It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' It  
It's hard to force that smile in class, being forced to sit all alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do"

When he got here, Sirius fell to his knees and took Remus' hand in his own and sang with as much passion, hope, and sorrow in his voice. He looked into Remus' eyes hoping to see forgiveness, but there was nothing. Sirius could feel the tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

"What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you  
That's what I was trying to do  
Ooohhh..."

By the end of the song Sirius had tears falling from his eyes. He looked up into Remus' eyes and still didn't see any emotion, so he got up and walked out of the Great Hall while wiping the tears from his eyes. As soon as the doors where shut behind him, he took off to the only place he knew he could get privacy.

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Sure it was freezing cold on the astronomy tower, after all it was January, but Sirius didn't care. He didn't know what to do after not winning Remus back, so he just slid down the wall, buried his head in his hands, and sobbed.

He sobbed until it was only dry sobs wracking his body. He didn't want to go back to the dorm…Remus was there. He couldn't face seeing Remus again…but he didn't have his wand and was left with two choices: he could either stay up there, not seeing Remus, and freeze to death, or he could face Remus.

Then again, he could just end it all here…just jump and forget all his worries. It would make things easier. 'It's not like I'll get him back. I fucked up and I know it. What's the point any more?' his mind supplied 'reason'. Looking at the ground, he made the hardest decision he's ever made. Slowly he got up and walked out of the tower, heading towards the dorm.

When he finally arrived back at the dorm, he found it was past midnight. Sighing again he pulled of his clothes and put only his pajama bottoms on. He pulled back the curtain to his four poster bed and found a peacefully sleeping Remus curled up with a book tucked under his arm.

'…wrong bed…that's weird…I thought…I guess I was just distracted. Aww…Remus looks so cute asleep, like he doesn't have any worries…' was what came to Sirius' mind first. He walked over to the other four poster bed and pulled the curtain open to find it stacked with books. 'Uh-huh…this is definitely _not_ my bed'. Sirius turned back around to find Remus sitting up and staring at him.

"R-Remus…I'm sorry," Sirius said as he looked away and down at the floor. "I'll just…be going to the common room, feel free to stay in my bed." He then sprinted down the stairs and threw himself on the couch before Remus even had the chance to say 'no wait'

Remus raced down the stairs mere seconds after Sirius did. He found Sirius curled up on one of the arm chairs before the fire; small pitiful sobs making his whole body shake.

"Sirius..."Remus hesitantly said as he walked up to the couch. He sat down and pulled Sirius into a hug. "I forgive you, forgave you a while back actually…it's just I didn't want to forgive you. You betrayed me, us, and it hurt so much," Remus said to Sirius.

"I-I didn't mean too" Sirius choked out

"Shhhh, I know you didn't. It's okay I'm not mad anymore."

"You're not?"

"No, I'm not. I forgive you. But there is one thing I want to know. "What did you mean when you sang 'And not seeing that loving you, Is what I was trying to do.'?" Remus asked.

"Oh…umm…"Sirius turned bright red, which was odd because Blacks didn't blush. "Imightamentthatiloveyou." He mumbled.

"What was that?"

"I said…I might have meant that I _love_ you. As in I'm _in love_ with you…"

"Really?"

"Yea…"

Remus launched forward and kissed Sirius. It wasn't well aimed and sloppy but it was good enough.

"What did you do that for?" Sirius asked

"Well…I love you too," Remus replied before launching himself at Sirius again.

And they lived happily ever after…well not really, but they were happy for a couple of years and that's all that counts.

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**A/N**: so there you have it wow this took me forever to write all well.

And I know that Remus and Sirius and the Maunders existed before this song was made but I don't care. But if you care you can flame me for using it, go right ahead, and do you know why? Because, frankly, I don't give a damn what you think (unless you like my story and leave lots of nice reviews, then I love you and you get a cookie ).

And I'd like to thank the wonderful Grande.Vanilla.Skim.Latte who helped me through a couple spot in this story


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